It’s time to glorify vegetables in all their deformities. We’re taking the time to celebrate the unlucky produce that you don’t even know exist because their irregularity doesn’t usually allow them a spot on the shelf.
However, when you think about it, it’s not really the fault of the tomato if it has a rather large rear end, or if the carrot wants to grow asymmetrically around its underground neighbour. Instead, we can just sit back and chuckle to our immature selves about what our five-a-day entries look like on a bad day!
1. Carrot-crossed lovers
Oh, get a room! These two lovers clearly couldn’t bear to be apart from one another once pulled from the ground. Saying that, there is only a certain degree of PDA that we can deal with, and this is somewhat off the scale. However, they do say that many find love when they least expect it, so I guess for these guys, they were just too similar to let each other go – a perfect match!
2. A long-lost Kardashian?
Now this is a prime example of why it is so important to do your squats. Well, I suppose if you’ve got ‘that’ sort of imagination then this is the replica of a Kim-K rear end. However, to others, this seems like nothing more than two tomatoes that have grown simultaneously too close to one another, causing them to conjoin. Obvious, right? Stop letting that naughty mind run away with you!
3. Wee-willie-carrot?
This pint-size reject is simply a carrot that’s confident enough to let it all hang out - and why not? But seriously, taste wise there is absolutely nothing wrong with this little veggie. It’s just that supermarket officials think that we can’t handle the thought of carrots getting frisky under the covers before they reach our dinner plates!
4. BROCCOLI
From the outside, this green guy might seem like he has all the right intentions, but you should never judge a book by its cover. Throwing fingers around without a care in the world, it’s no surprise that it’s a struggle to get some people to eat their greens! But of course, when these nutritious numbers aren’t getting all up in your grill, they do make the perfect accompaniment to your dinner.
5. PARSNIP
This parsnip has clearly taken a leaf out of its cousin’s book. Knocking about with your pants down is obviously something that runs in the family for parsnips and carrots, but maybe it’s time they were taught some discretion. Resembling somewhat the bottom half of a mannequin, nature’s designer must have had a drink or two before this one and started on a third leg!
6. BUTT-ernut squash
This looks like one of those classic secondary school moments where you shower after PE and your friends think it’s hilarious to run away with your towel and clothes. Caught short – how embarrassing! Nevertheless there is nothing squashed about this behind, in fact it looks B-utterly delicious. If you’ve got it, flaunt it!
7. POTATO
It’s quite possibly the 'breast' vegetable we’ve seen in a while. The curse of the terrible-twos has struck again and this time, more outrageously than normal. By the looks of things, it’s a bit nippy in the outside world for this underground dweller!
8. PEPPERS
These almost look too real to be a fluke. Are you sure someone has not created an erotic shaped mould for their peppers? Apparently not, despite looking heavily like a part of the male anatomy, these peppers joined forces for the X-rated vegetable beauty pageant. 10 out of 10 for effort, wouldn’t you agree?!
9. TOMATO... AGAIN!
I feel like this tomato is giving off all the wrong impressions. I mean, it could just be going for the part of Pinocchio in next year’s pantomime, but there is definitely more to this wardrobe malfunction. I’m sure many would try and turn a blind eye to this, but something is telling me that it’s harder than it looks. Let’s hope the said specimen doesn’t starting blushing!
10. MUSHROOM
The final nipper on our list is certainly comfortable in its own body. Beautifully rounded and fairly versatile when it comes to cooking, but there is no need to encourage nudity any more than it already stands within the vegetable industry. Barely covering its modesty, this veggie is not giving us mush-room for imagination!
By Katie Mallalieu
