KnifeOfBrian: Top 10 Chefs, fictional edition

The Staff Canteen

Editor 7th February 2019

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This month I thought we’d have a little fun. I thought I’d give you a run down of my Top Ten fictional chefs.

The results are based on minutes and minutes of research while flicking through my phone during a quiet spell on a Monday lunch service.

Get in touch if you feel I’ve missed someone in this contest, which is set to rival the “World’s 50 Best Restaurants” in prestige and accolade.

10. Chef Monica Geller. I’ve only added her so I can rant about her really. The chef who’s never at work. Surely a more accurate representation of a New York City chef would have been for her to have just not been there. Now, I’m no oracle of knowledge when it comes to the hit show “Friends” but I don’t remember Chandler ever saying “….I’ll find out when Monica is off and get back to you guys. You know how it is!”

9. Sherman “Preacher” Dudley, aka LL Cool Jay in the film Deep Blue Sea. Now this chef had his shit together. You know he was getting paid top dollar working as a private chef for this Science Team. I don’t want to give away the ending for the few people who have never seen this classic, but I’m quite sure my boy LL hid from the killer shark, in his oven…. I may be remembering that wrong. Feel free to correct me.

8. Spongebob Squarepants. So, many have called him a one trick pony, but if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it. Mr Squarepants had people queuing for miles for his Crabby patties. Very few chefs can claim to have this much interest for their own signature dishes. Others have tried to replicate the “secret formula” but often failed. His skills as a chef coupled with his cheery outlook on life, are the reason he makes this top ten.

7. Remy Rat. I’m only putting this vermin on the list because some of you who responded to me when I asked for your favourite fictional chef, said Ratatouille. Personally, I can’t stand the film. Rats don’t belong in kitchens. Full stop! Stupid concept. Crap movie. That being said, this is a chef review, not a movie review. Remy’s skills and natural ability are worthy of high praise. His passion and quest for excellence are to be admired. He definitely did the great Auguste Gusteau proud. As a side note, in researching this blog, I was led to an article which referenced the late real chef Bernard Loiseau as inspiration for Gusteau in this movie. If you take anything away from this list. Go read more about chef Loiseau.

6. Adam Jones from the movie “Burnt.” Despite the helmet-less motorcycle ride scene through the streets of London to pick his mate up from prison, this film was pretty good. But like I said, this is not a movie review. This list is compiled based on my personal algorithm which is fuelled by gin, tonic and ice cubes. So, as I found Adam to be a bit of a knob, he does not make it much higher than sixth position. His quest for Michelin stars showed his single-minded determination and little else by way of personality. Controversial?

5. Now Carl Casper on the other hand was a much more well-rounded character. The film “Chef” will make you hungry. The chef’s skills on show were more rustic and relatable to me, as well as the often-seen power struggle between owner and chef.

4. South Park Chef. Chocolate. Salty. Balls. Legend. Need I say more?

3. Swedish Chef. This is probably my first memory of a chef to appear on the TV. Therefore, he makes the list for his influence. As this seems to be the case for a lot of chefs, growing up and watching the TV in the 80s, was all about the Muppets. Several chefs have attributed this chef for inspiring them to be in the kitchen. Daniel Humm, Dominique Crenn, and Heston Blumenthal all told me this. This is 100% true. Because you’re reading this on the Internet. Or did I just dream that?

2. Gareth Blackstock. A true ambassador and pioneer. Head chef of the Chateau Anglaise. “Chef” was BBC primetime viewing in the early 90s. As a chef, he displayed class, talent and charm. He pulled no punches and ran the kitchen with authority and was totally respected by his brigade. This TV series ended too soon. Definitely due for resurrection.

1. Casey Ryback. Those who know, know. Chef Casey Ryback was formerly a Navy SEAL. He lost his officer status by doing something bad which I can’t quite remember right now. But that’s really not important. Needless to say, if there is ever a chef you want to stand behind, this is the guy. He looked out for his team and makes a badass Bouillabaisse. If you’ve never watched Under Siege, then we can’t be friends. All Hail Steven Seagal. Sorry, I mean Chef Ryback!

About Knife of Brian

Brian Powlett, aka Knife of Brian is head chef at the Greyhound Ipswich and Knife of Brian Cookery & Catering. He supports CALM (campaign against living miserably) - a male suicide charity and has recently finished his first pop-up event at the Suffolk Show. If he wasn't a chef, he would be a gigolo.

For more blogs like this from Knife of Brian, visit his website www.knifeofbrian.co.uk

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